Completing the Coin
by Foreverwolf
Summary: You can only survive being half for so long before a part of you is desperate to be whole. Will Arthur figure it out in time with Merlin fighting him every step of the way? Mild Pre Slash mentions. Could actually be seen as deep Bromance, with the right perspective.
1. Something's Wrong

**AN:** Okay, this is my first, I think, angsty Crack Fic. At least, I think this would be a crack fic? Pre Slash. One itty bitty swear word in the whole thing.

I just don't know what possessed me, lol. I just sat down and started writing this. I'm a bit out of practice, so maybe this was just a sort of creativity exercise? Definitely not my best work, but I'm working on another, larger, real (lol) multi chapter for the Merlin Fandom. I miss this show so much :(

Disclaimer: Merlin and affiliated characters, sets, or scenes are not mine.

**MERLIN**

"_Mer_lin! That's the third rabbit you've scared off today!" Arthur growled lightly. He didn't care, not really. Today wasn't about actually hunting. But it wouldn't do to be totally obvious about it.

Something had been, _off_, with his friend for a while now. At first the Prince hadn't taken much notice, figuring the boy was simply tired after all they'd been through lately. But then the normally easy, cheerful grins offered from Merlin had become forced. Soon, they'd disappeared altogether. The easy banter between the two had become strained, and finally Merlin had fallen mostly silent.

The final blow, however, had been when his servant had started to avoid him. The servant who was rarely on time had suddenly developed the knack for being in and out of Arthur's room before he even properly woke up. His chores had been done impeccably well and always quickly. On outings, whether hunting prey or hunting villains, Merlin would spend most of his time with the knights when not directly serving Arthur.

This "hunting" trip, with just the two of them despite Merlin's objections – and hadn't that stung a little!- was about getting to the bottom of the increasing paleness of his friend. White lines of pain had become a permanent fixture on the once youthful face.

"I'm sorry, Sire."

Sire. Arthur had never hated a word more in his life! He was sick of hearing it from the boy who had, before recently, never once uttered it with a shred of respect. Merlin using it, especially lately, always meant the servant was either patronizing him, or placating him, distracting him.

Arthur threw his crossbow angrily to the ground, startling the younger man. He was done with subtle. "That's it! What is _wrong_, Merlin?"

"I'm fine."

Perhaps there was _one_ word Arthur hated more.

"Do you think I'm stupid?" Arthur asked. He felt a small thrill of success when he got Merlin's patented, 'you did not just say that!' look. But it quickly disappeared into the false grin.

"I'm fine."

Arthur gathered up all his self control to not throttle the servant in front of him. He decided perhaps a different tactic would be required.

"I can see you're hurting," he said softly, but with a challenging tone. "I'm not blind."

Merlin stiffened. He could tell Arthur was trying to be kind. He knew he'd been less and less successful at hiding his affliction. The truth was, however, that he didn't _know_ what was wrong with him. For the past few months any time he'd gotten closer to Arthur- emotionally or physically- he'd been almost buried in a wave of sorrow which had gradually turned to physical pain.

He'd explored his magic almost every night, looking for any sign of a curse or dark magic. There was nothing. It only happened when he was close to Arthur. It was as if a part of him would _reach_ for the Prince. He'd asked Kilgarrah about it, but only received a cryptic reminder that he was only half the coin.

He didn't dare ask Gaius. Didn't dare tell him something might be wrong with his magic. There had been too many attacks lately, as if the entire evil magical world could sense the imbalance between the two men. Gaius would have stopped him from helping. Or tried to. Which would have hurt them both when Merlin was forced to disobey.

His job was to protect Arthur- at any cost.

"I- I don't know."

Arthur frowned. Another aversion? Or the truth. From the look in his friend's eyes, he believed it might be partially the truth. "Have you asked Gaius?"

Merlin shook his head, desperate to end the conversation. But he knew his master. Once Arthur got a wiggle on a hook, he refused to let it go. Arthur was waiting patiently for him to sort himself out, to find a way to answer. The look in his eyes screamed 'trust me'. In his own way, Arthur was reaching out to him.

He winced as once again something inside of him- which he could only name as their 'bond', the part of him that always let him know when Arthur was in trouble, or needed him- pulled viciously hard, trying to get to the man standing suddenly too close to him. The snap back when something blocked its way left him winded.

It was getting worse.

"Merlin!" Arthur shouted for the third time, concerned and worried when he'd seen his friend start to hunch in on himself. He was confused when Merlin suddenly shoved him away.

"Please, Arthur!" Merlin begged, moving away from him, putting as much space between them as he could without looking ridiculously suspicious. He wanted to tell his friend, desperately. But what would Arthur do if he found out? Something had changed between them recently. A few months ago Arthur had suddenly started to pay attention, to be kind, to work to be as much of a friend to Merlin as Merlin had always been to him.

Somehow, until this started happening, the lines had blurred between them. Truth be told, Merlin had blurred those lines long ago with his confession that he'd happily serve until the day he died. From then on he'd worked hard to turn that forbidden love into a passion for doing everything he could to keep Arthur safe.

At first he'd thought himself successful. But then suddenly something had changed. Arthur had disappeared for an entire day, and come back- different. It had become easier to slip away to deal with magical emergencies. Arthur stopped questioning his lateness, his absences. His eyes had looked haunted every time Merlin showed up with bruises or injuries from his latest encounter, but he never asked.

Merlin's chores suddenly seemed to get lighter, and Arthur wanted to talk more. He confessed his own thoughts and feelings more easily, as though trying to prove to Merlin that he actually had them. That he wasn't a stone cut out of his father.

Arthur had started to _try_.

Merlin had begun to think that the friendship he so desperately craved was within his reach.

Which was when whatever this was, whatever was happening to him, had started.

"Merlin, you need to go see Gaius," Arthur urged.

"There's nothing he can do."

"How do you know?"

"Because- because I do!" Merlin finally shouted back. Now that he'd put some space between them, the pull eased off. Stopped trying. He was not eager for it to start again.

He expected an argument from his master. But as had happened so often lately, Arthur sighed, nodded, and turned to get the horses, dropping the subject.


	2. It All Comes Down

Arthur led the short ride back to Camelot silently seething in fury. But that lack of explanation had long been Merlin's code to please stop looking for answers he couldn't give. He'd learned along the way, that while Merlin was quite a capable liar, he wouldn't do it until he had to.

Still, as much as he wanted to respect Merlin's request for time and space, he couldn't risk his friend's health. _Something_ was wrong. _That_ was as plain as day.

He slowed his horse until Merlin caught up to him. One last try.

"Merlin, please. Let me take you to see Gaius. Something is wrong, you have to see that," Arthur pressed quietly.

Merlin bowed his head, taking a deep, shuddering breath. It was building again. So much stronger than last time. The pain washed over him in waves, each one worse than the last. He had no choice. Arthur was right.

He nodded his answer, letting his horse fall back again to gain some distance. He was dismayed, however, when it didn't help.

Arthur sighed in relief when they reached the stables. Gaius was only moments away. He grabbed Merlin's arm, helping him down from his horse, concerned when Merlin wasn't able to take his own weight.

In fact, he seemed to be getting worse with each hurried step.

"Gaius!" Arthur called, using his boot to kick in the door since his hands were full of the barely aware servant.

"Arthur! What happened?" The physician demanded, helping to ease his ward to the patient bed by the fire.

"I don't know! Something's been wrong for weeks."

Gaius nodded sagely. "Yes, I've noticed, but he wouldn't talk to me. Did he…?"

Arthur shook his head in frustration. "He wouldn't talk to me either. Gaius, he's having problems breathing!"

Of course the experienced medicine man had already noticed and was trying to sit his patient up. Arthur moved in to help, and both were shocked when Merlin let out a cry of pain and with more energy than they thought possible lurched across the room, away from both of them, gasping for air, his hand trying to dig its way into his chest.

Not again, Merlin winced as he felt the bond stretch, could feel it's desperation to be complete, to be _whole_.

"Merlin?" Gaius asked, concerned as he watched his ward's face crumple in pain. "Merlin, what is it?"

Both jerked as suddenly Arthur was moving and caught his servant as his knees collapsed under him. "Merlin!"

The second Arthur touched him, Merlin couldn't stop the agonized cry that was ripped from him. He felt the bond stretch further, crashing against the barrier Merlin had long ago put up between himself and his Prince. Beyond that barrier lay the truth. A truth that would destroy them both even as it completed the bond to his other half. He couldn't allow that to happen.

"What's wrong with him, Gaius?" Arthur demanded, feeling the strain as Merlin weakly struggled to get away from him.

"Gaius…" Merlin gasped. "Arthur…"

Gaius glanced at the Prince, immediately understanding Merlin's unfinished demand that Arthur needed to go- _now_!

"Sire, perhaps some water…"

Arthur hesitated for only a moment before easing his friend into the waiting arms of the older man. Merlin was curled into himself now, as though trying to hold something in, something that was killing him even as he refused to let it go.

"Of course."

He was half way to the door before he felt something inside him- shift. There was no better way to describe it. He knew suddenly, with a certainty he'd never experienced before, that if he left now, Merlin would die. That same part of himself stretched back toward the young man currently gasping for breath as the physician held him helplessly, not knowing how to help the young man, or even where to start looking.

_Neither of you will ever truly be at peace until your connection is made whole_, a remembered voice whispered in his mind.

He knew that voice. It was the same voice that had whispered logic and reason to his betrayed heart when he'd needed it most. That day in the caves below his father's dungeons seemed so long ago now.


	3. Faith takes more courage

He stumbled away from the chamber door, stunned, shocked, by the sight of his young friend killing the small mythical beast that had turned the castle upside down. So many innocents dead, but Arthur couldn't see that. All he could see was his servant aiming a stream of magically wrought fire at it, the power emanating from the confident youth standing in the room making the hairs on Arthur's neck stand up.

He couldn't process it. He felt betrayal well up inside him, felt the need to retch at the realization of the secret Merlin had hidden from him for so long. His mind refused to process the image in front of him as being the same as the image of Merlin's cheerful grin this morning when he'd dragged the Prince from his bed in order to make his meeting on time. He didn't- he couldn't-

He ran.

He didn't know how long he'd been running. He could feel unwanted tears threatening to break free and knew he had to escape. He didn't know how he found himself in the cave below the dungeons. He'd kept turning corners, trying to outrun the truth he'd just seen with his very own eyes.

Until suddenly he'd fallen. At first he'd thought it was stairs, until he realize he'd fallen off the ledge of something. Blinking, he looked at the dank cave around him. Then he had to blink again as his vision blurred and he curled in on himself, no longer caring about his bruises or location.

All that mattered was the all consuming pain that was ripping him apart. Alone and in the darkness of a cave he assumed no one knew about, he left his grief overtake him as he pounded on the rocks below his fists, screaming out his frustration, tears streaming down his cheeks.

Merlin. His servant. His friend. And if he were truly to be honest with himself, a man he loved far more than he should. Evil. A sorcerer. A dark being sent to destroy Camelot from within. In that moment, he felt all his father's fears come true.

So much pain had come from magic. So many sorcere's out to destroy his home. His family. He had lost everyone he ever truly cared about to it. And now Merlin. Had he sent for these torments? Master minding each attack all the while pretending his loyalty was to Camelot?

"No!" he found himself shouting, purposely sending his mind beyond his initial shock and grief. Beyond a lifetime of his father's brainwashing. Beyond the creatures that had come to see him dead. His shouts echoed back to him tenfold as he forced himself to remember a lanky youth brave enough to stand up to the arrogant ass he'd once been. To the boy who had stood by him even as he sacked him for trying to warn him. The naïve soul that had lost his freedom the day he pushed Arthur away from a dagger.

_You begin to see, Young Paendragon_, a voice pounded inside his head, echoing as surely as his earlier shouts had.

Shaking from the power of his conflicting emotions, Arthur looked around for the source of the voice, some base instinct telling him even as he did so it would be pointless. "Who's there?"

_A friend. Do not fear me. _

"I don't." He should, the last hint of logic tried to tell him, he should identify and eliminate the threat. But he didn't care. Somehow, he just couldn't bring himself to _feel _one more thing. Not even to preserve his life.

_I will not harm you, young Prince_.

Arthur laughed. He laughed until he started to sob. Ignoring the voice in his mind he curled up into himself, tears once again falling freely and without reserve. So what if whoever he was talking to saw him. Depending on how long they'd been watching him, they'd seen much worse. Or perhaps he was finally broken. Finally driven insane. The thought made him sob harder.

_Kill him_, the voice suggested as if making mild conversation. _And your pain goes away_.

"No!" Arthur insisted, battling through the other voice in his head that sounded suspiciously like his father's that cried out its agreement of His plan. "No!"

_Why not? _

"Because he doesn't deserve it!"

_He is evil._

"No! He's not- Merlin can't be- it's just not possible!"

_He will destroy you from within!_

"He won't! He's had so many opportunities to let me die, to kill me."

Merlin, drinking poison for him. Merlin willing to give up his life to lift the unicorn's curse to save Camelot. Merlin standing beside him, ready to face a dragon. Riding out with him to face yet another danger. Refusing to leave Arthur behind when he'd been injured. On and on the images flooded his mind, slowly pushing out the poison his father had fed him since birth.

_He has lied to you_.

"To protect me!" Arthur growled. There was a common theme in those memories. "Always to protect _me_," he whispered.

_He has betrayed you_.

"He's almost died for me!" So many times over the years Arthur had felt that heart stopping moment when he thought Merlin might be lost to him. Might have left him alone.

_He doesn't trust you_.

"He couldn't," Arthur whispered, the last of his tears finally dropping. The realization hit him almost as strongly as Merlin's secret had. "He didn't dare. Too much was at stake." A silent protector working tirelessly from the shadows to save not only Arthur, but Camelot, and Gwen, and the Knights. Anyone innocent.

_Then you have your answer, young Paendragon._

Arthur blinked, half of him expecting another accusation on Merlin's character. A character he no longer doubted. He had more proof of Merlin's good than he did magic's evil. In his warriors mind, the scales with which he used to weigh every problem, and every solution, tipped alarmingly to his father being wrong.

"Not all magic is evil." The words felt lighter than he could have ever believed as they rolled off his tongue. He felt his shoulders release a burden he hadn't ever known he was carrying. His savage grief and rage had died, reduced to a mild irritation he often felt around his servant. He felt his heart mending, all traces of confusion melting away.

_What will you choose to do?_

"Protect him," Arthur answered instantly, a rare sense of rightness coming with those words. "Love him." The last piece of his torn soul fell into place, leaving him feeling stronger and more sure of his place in the world than he had felt in a long, long time.

_There will come a time, Young Prince, where he will need to hear those words. You are but one side of a coin, Arthur. Neither of you will ever truly be at peace until your connection is made whole._

"When?"

_You will know. Your bond will tell you when he needs you most, if you listen to it._

Arthur lifted himself from the ground, standing. He had a sense of purpose now that he had lacked in all his years of hiding just how lost he was. Somehow, in this moment, he understood all that he could become, all he was to become, depended on the heart, courage and strength of the young sorcerer he had so quickly fled what seemed like so long ago. A heart that could easily be shattered by the weight the innocent soul would have to bear.

"But not alone," Arthur vowed then and there. "Not anymore. I _will_ protect him!"


	4. Completing the Coin

"Arthur!" Gaius called urgently, seeing the Prince stop and stare off. "Please!"

Merlin seemed to convulse as Gaius gently laid him on the floor, looking haggard and lost. The boy had lost consciousness to whatever horror was afflicting him.

Arthur took a step forward, and felt that, _reach_, within him again. Reaching for Merlin. Desperate to connect with the younger man.

_Your bond will tell you when he needs you most, if you listen to it._

He was listening. Ignoring Gaius completely, Arthur fell to his knees beside the trembling form, quickly gathering him in his arms. He felt that reach rush forward, only to be bounced off something.

"Merlin," Arthur whispered, "Merlin, let me in."

"Sire-"

He instinctively reached for what he now assumed was his destined connection with Merlin, and pushed it toward the other. With each failed attempt, the boy convulsed in his arms. They were running out of time as the labored breaths slowed.

"Stay with me, Merlin!" Arthur commanded loudly. He looked at Gaius desperately.

The physician's eyes were wet as he met the Prince's eyes. "We don't know what's happening, Sire. And he's not giving us enough time to find out." This was punctuated by another stuttered breath from the now too still form in his arms.

Arthur growled. What the hell? He was doing his part. He had listened. He was here, despite everything, believing in a bond he could have easily passed off as insanity. A bond he'd learned to trust, to depend on-

"But Merlin hasn't!" Arthur realized as the answer came flooding to him.

"Sire?"

Arthur held his precious parcel more tightly to him, moving his mouth closer to the boy's ear. "I _know_, Merlin. I know your secret."

"Arthur-" Gaius' tone made it clear he was tired of being ignored. Arthur didn't care.

The Crowned Prince of Camelot carded his fingers through the raven hair of his servant, his voice soothing and gentle as he made his confession. "I know the burdens you've had to bear and the sacrifices you've had to make. The secrets you've had to keep from those you love most. From me."

Gaius was gawked as a glow of pure light began to shine around the two. Arthur felt his side of the bond grow stronger, reach harder to break through the cracks that he knew, somehow, were beginning to appear in the barrier separating him from his friend.

"I don't blame you. I could almost wish it had been fear only for yourself, but I know it wasn't. There was so much you had to consider, so _many_ you had to think of. Our destiny, Merlin, it holds so much responsibility. But you don't have to go it alone. You haven't for a long time. I know, my old friend, about your magic."

Merlin gasped and suddenly his back arched away from the Prince. Arthur's eyes never left the closed ones of the person he was fighting for, ignoring the growing intensity of the light surrounding them. He pushed all his belief, all his love, into the words he spoke next, taking his hand he put it to the boy's cheek in a gesture that spoke of tenderness, acceptance and loyalty.

"Don't fight it, Merlin. You're safe. I'll protect you, just as you have always protected me," Arthur soothed. "Come back to me. To us. To Camelot. We need you. You'll never be alone again. I'm here, Merlin. I'll always be here."

Gaius had to turn away as the light engulfed the room. His old heart beating wildly with both hope and trepidation. The sudden illness, the light, Arthur's knowing about Merlin's secret- and had, apparently, for some time- it all worked to mix up every emotion he'd ever felt.

After what seemed like forever, the light faded out. The old physician was almost afraid to look, to see his precious ward had already slipped through their fingers.

"Merlin," Arthur whispered softly, and the joy in his voice was unmistakable.

Gaius turned back, hesitantly, and saw the two boys in much the same position, except now Merlin's blue eyes were open and staring back at the Prince. Their breathing was ragged, almost as if they'd run miles together. Perhaps, Gaius thought as he stood, leaving the two some privacy now that the crisis was over, they had.

"What," Merlin licked suddenly dry lips, letting Arthur help him into a sitting position. He put his hand to his aching head. "What happened?"

"I think we just fought the hardest, and easiest, battle we've ever had to. Or ever will have to again."

It would take years more for Merlin, who never remembered what had happened, to actually tell Arthur his secret. But Arthur never minded. He knew, without a single breath of doubt, that even if Merlin never remembered the events that day, or the words spoken, the boy's heart would.

As their relationship grew, Arthur would often describe that day as the worst and best of his life. And as many times as Merlin pried for what actually happened, Arthur would always give that same answer.


End file.
